Excellent Gneiss! Sometimes seeing things in a different light requires some painful looking and realizations, but also, all for the better if the end result steers you in a positive direction. My folks are always worried about my return to using, but they haven't a clue what the signs would be if I were to return to it. I appreciate and love my folks but there are subjects we do not and really can not discuss. And that's OK. They're mom and dad, they worry about their kids (even though I'm 40!) I keep in touch with them and through that, they can see that I'm OK. If I have trouble with drugs I have friends I can trust to discuss the matter with. Keep your support lines open and and strong. It's tough to change old behaviors, to learn new ways. Surround yourself with strength and support of those you can trust. You'll do well!