>>I don't feel attracted to him anymore and I don't know if I want to be. I go to counseling and alanon and don't think either of those things will make my love for him be the same as it was. Does anyone else feel this way or have I just turned into a real uncaring person?>>
Not having romantic feelings of intimacy towards your AH is a consequence of being married to an AH. Being that marriage is suppose to be a healthy inter-relational experience neither person escapes the consequence. You are not uncaring, or cold or unloving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is the normal way of things to have a romantic love( attraction ) for your husband, so you are losing out too. And you not having romantic feelings for him are the consequences he must face for his time spent depleting them. You are note machine! He will either pout it and view at as you don't love him or want him or he will understand that there is going to be a lot of emotional and relational work.
Was he caring of you when he made decisions that drained your romantic tank instead of filling it with the things that keep it full? How can a woman continue to have feelings for of romance for a child in a mans body? ( ick)
A spouse of an RA has to decide for their self if this dimension of the relationship can be reestablished or has been destroyed for them. It is the major reason to be married, different from friend/family love. Either we don't even want to allow for a romantic relationship or we are willing to give the RA time to arise romantic feelings in us again. That makes you wise not uncaring!!!!!!!!!!!! However, if is fair for the RAH to know if you take the stand that there is not a chance. But it is fair for the RAH to understand you may need time to "warm up" as he grows up into a healthy adult RA.
love tammy