Mango blast

I totally agree with you on the "healthy partnership", yet marriage doesn't mean it's always going to be perfect or 50/50. Sometimes it is 80/20 or some other equation. I'm not going to throw away more than 20 years together because of this illness/disease. When we were in our early twenties, our first son died when he was only 3 months old. He had been a complete joy and the light of our lives. We held on tight to each other and that's all that brought us through that. We both went through times of not wanting to go on, but we did because of each other. We've had a lot of good years. We have four wonderful kids. Outstandingly wonderful, caring kids. Most of the time he's a very good dad, but it's drunk I don't/can't trust. At times he had cut back/quit drinking because he didn't want to wind up like his alcoholic dad. We should have had counseling then, but I didn't know then what I know now -- obviously! So now I'll hold on when AH can't. He does show me in many ways every week that he loves me. It doesn't make up for the days or moments that he's a jerk - usually at his drunkest, and/or after the extended drunk, or when he's trying to dry out without wanting to face any of it.

How I started my post off doesn't really sound right. It does sound like I've got a big head, but I figure there are others who can relate to how I'm feeling.

NOTHING right now is going to change the fact that he's going to stay in denial and continue to drink. It's just not going to happen right now. I am working on my codie ways. We did go in a year ago to the doc and things were discussed then. My plan for this spring is to go to a new doc and a counselor(alcohol/life/relationship). In the meantime, I'm doing what I have to for me.