How do I encourage my husband?
Hello Everyone.
I am new to this site and very pleased to find it. I have been told by a number of people that I should attend Al-Anon to answer my question but I guess I feel I want to have the support without my husband knowing I am seeking it right now. I can tell by reading all the threads that everyone is supportive and caring, I just hope I can find some direction. Here is my deal; I have been married for four years. My husband has been relying on booze for all his emotional needs since he was in high school. He loves me more than anything in this world and knows he has a problem. Last year he told me that he needed to quit, but after 6 weeks of sobriety he decided he would prefer to cut down instead. Obviously he was unsuccessful in cutting down and now drinks almost every night. For the first time ever since I met him, I told him last week that I was not happy with his drinking. He is a wonderful intelligent warm etc. person when he drinks but is irritable and impatient when he doesn't. I told him I don't even like being with him when he isn't drinking. I did not ask him to quit or give him an ultimatum, but he decided he needs to quit. He doesn't want me to leave and he understands I am not happy. Furthermore, he said he wants me to leave if he is not successful in quitting. The problem is that within 24 hours of this decision he decided he wants to try to cut down again. I reminded him that he was unsuccessful last time but ultimately the decision is up to him. I have already decided that when he realizes he can't cut down, he will have to try to quit. Then if he can't quit, i will have to leave. I am heartbroken about this because I know how much he loves me and I know how much he wants to make me happy but I also know how addicted he is. He does not want to go to AA and obviously I can't make him. What I guess I want to know is if anyone has any advice on what I can do to help him be his best self. Right now I feel confident he cannot give up drinking and that I will break his heart when I leave. I am also in my head thinking I am going to give him until I graduate from the MBA program (3 years from now). I don't want him to know I am pessimistic but I am sad for him that this fate most likely awaits him. Does anyone have any suggestions?