My XABF and I have been apart as long as we were together, about 6 years. In that time neither of us has dated anyone seriously. He's been with a lot of female drinking buddies and has had a few flings, and I've dated here and there, although never in any long term relationship.
A year ago my XABF started dating a twenty year old. He is 46, and has the same habits as he did 6 years ago. He also has the same habits that he did 10 years ago, 15 years ago, or 20 years ago. Only now it's worse, because alcoholism and drug addiction are progressive, as we all know.
When I heard he found a girlfriend that he takes seriously (she is not an addict), I felt shocked. Really horrified. But not because he is dating someone younger than I am (she isn't prettier or thinner, perchance). I felt panicked that all that stuff is going to happen again, and someone innocent is going to get hurt by it. Very hurt by it, in fact.
I know, Anabus, that you are in the earliest stages of breaking free of this lifestyle we know as coda/A, and you are not near a state where empathy for another woman is possible. I wasn't either weeks past out breakup. Also, no one swooped in and undermined the relationship I was in. This must be the absolute worst feeling, and I can't say I completely understand how that would be.
Some time after my breakup (maybe a year or so) I started to put myself on track again. And I found the scattered pieces of my life fit together pretty well. I could do a lot of things and be happy doing them alone. Sincerely happy. Once I found "being single" wasn't a pathetic state to be in, I started to look at being independent through a different lens. I also started looking around at couples around me, and realized very few of them were happy.
People ask me often if I am lonely, and I say from time to time, which is true. But I'm not TERRIBLY lonely. What's more, I not only like myself, but LOVE myself SO MUCH! Maybe that's immodest, but who cares? I have a rich full exciting life and - this is so great - I'm about to change careers at 40 years of age. And it'll take me a few years to do it, too!
So you see, this is why I feel sorry for the 20 year old. She has to face the soul-destroying merry-go-round of addiction.
So she has a boyfriend, so what???
I agree with the above poster, who questions how much emphasis we put on relationships.
And you know what? I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than go through life in that sickly cycle of addiction one episode after another.