I am 43 and trying to "escape" a 27 year relationship (20 married -- more than 1/2 my life!) and I am feeling much the same way -- afraid of being alone -- but, I AM alone in the relationship I'm in. And as one other member here (sorry I can't remember) says -- nothing changes if nothing changes. So therefore I know that, even if I "give one more chance", it will be the same -- the same emotional abuse, financial abuse, fear, anxiety, health issues because of anxiety, etc. etc.
I believe that media and other outside influences have us believe that we are not valuable unless someone else values us. Media especially try to convince us that we need to be beautiful, young, healthy, and vibrant to be worthy (especially women). It's such a myth! Those people -- those families -- are not real! I believe that the true value we will find in ourselves will be by being alone, at least for a time, to learn about ourselves, our strengths and weakness, and that we are, indeed, valuable -- whether we have a SO or not should be irrelevant.
One of my fears in separating from my AH is that all of my current friends (almost) are in long term relationships and how will I fit in to that "scene" anymore (these are childhood friends). But they are not without their problems and skeletons in their closets -- many of my friends know that they should or want to leave their relationships -- whether it is substance abuse, violence, non communication -- they are just not ready yet -- have not reached their bottoms.
I want to learn to value myself and my true worth -- a caring, loving, friendly, funny, wonderful mother, seasoned professional, wise woman -- not just "D's wife" -- and a person who deserves to be happy -- as does everyone. I know it's going to be a long long road but every day, I look more forward to the journey. Borrow courage from the supports around you and if you don't have enough support, find some more. One of the best supports I have found so far is being here -- with people who know EXACTLY what I'm going through -- that don't judge me for decisions (even when they are wrong!) and know there is light at the end of the tunnel. We're here for you (and each other!)