Thanks, everyone. I feel less like an oddball now. I guess I have a problem with the entirety of AA overall and the "machine" it's become - with rules, sponsors, chips, constant focus on "how it was" drunkalogues that go On and On and one of my favorites "who was a worse drunk?" The core idea was ok, if you are into doing the HP stuff. Too, AA was slanted at men way back when and I can't imagine anyone recommending medicine out of the 1930s to treat an addiction today. I sure wouldn't go to a Dr. for a cure whose knowledge was based on a 1930s physician's desk reference.
Anyway, I don't mean to diss AA as it has done a lot of good for many people and truth is, as individuals go, there are many great people in AA. It's just when groupthink takes over and you've got someone going on and on for 20 minutes quoting the BB, and all I want to know is "how do I deal with emotions without alcohol?" I do NOT want to hear, call your sponsor, read the BB, go to a meeting. However, a few people mentioned I might attend a meeting just for a bit until I get on my feet, so I will give that some consideration. I would kill for LifeRing here, but I am not the person to start a meeting here.
Anyway, it's so easy to feel so alone when dealing with something like this when it seems like there is no one else who thinks the kinds of things I think. That's why it's great to meet y'all here!