When I think about it...
When I think about it I'm mad that I'm here.
Good Lord, when I was 16 and met my handsome, funny, love of my life I had no idea it would land me here 17 years later! Would I change it? I don't know. It was good to love someone that much and I got a dog and HIS little girl out of the deal so, no, no changes.
But damn it. He moved on with his life. He's almost 2 years sober now and has a new girlfriend and spends time with her 2 kids with little attention to his own. I contact him only when I have to and by text messaging only ( we still have a loan that will be paid off this month, then no more texts). He is running around like life is great. Why am I still here wondering what it is about? I didn't ask for this?
I wanted to recover from this and be who I was before I met him. I was sweet and hopeful and trusting. Now I don't trust people and don't want anyone new in my life.
I think that is also from all these relationships falling apart around me. Like a 14 year marriage and a 20 some year marriage where of course, there is a cheater!! It is so dis heartening. I think....why freakin bother? I have tons of friends and as long as I don't sleep with them we get along great!!
Another thing that makes me mad is my friends getting to be friends with my ex. Not because they are friends with him, but because I can't be!! I loved him first!! I took good care of him!! Him and I used to hang out and get along great, then we have sex and things get emotional and now we can't even be friends? What the hell? I suffered through all his crap and now I don't even get to enjoy the good things about him? Ugh
I guess I think outside the box about that. I get made fun of alot because I think everybody SHOULD get along. Let by gones be by gones. But I'm seeing alot of people don't do things that way. LOL
I don't know. I'm rambling. Any thoughts on my craziness?