PowerWithin,
Keep talking if it helps....we're here! But definitely get out the cr@ppy dishes you hate and start smashing them if it gives you some release. Or put on tennis shoes and go outside and run until you're exhausted. Pound a couch cushion or go to a gym and punch a bag until you can't feel your hands any more. I used to play racquetball -- stand in the middle of the little square room and hit the ball as hard as I could for an hour (burned 500 calories too
)
If all of that helps you not to smoke, it's all worth it.
He's on his own journey and you have no right to change it. It's gonna take him some strange places, because of the sad choices he's made. You can't save him from his choices or from what he learns as a result (there's a great line in a book I read once that says 'I didn't want to rob you of your right to make mistakes'...perfect).
Consider whether this stress is worth it, and what you might do starting today to take the focus off him and put it back on YOU - the only person whose life you can control. Do you have a counselor you can work with to help you to break this vicious cycle of thoughts?
