I know for me the shame was based on my actions when under the influence. Alcohol especially when drunk in large quantities leaves us defenseless over our actions. When I am sober I do not act in the way that I do when I am drunk...I think this is true for everybody. Most of the shame I felt was because I knew my actions were not who I was. Sobriety fixes this...I no longer feel shame on a daily basis...sure I do regret things I have done in the past but I know as long as I stay sober I will not add anything to an already full plate. I think it is important to focus on my behavior and not the behavior of others. Best of luck in your journey!