co-dependent no more (at least trying)
Hello there
This is the third time I'v typed out my confession, or story what ever you want to call it, I could'nt get it posted?
Well here we go again.
I have been with my husband since I was 17
we have 3 children together,
we have a beautiful house,
I was a stay at home mom, he was a hard worker, we were doing o.k.
unfortunatly my husband is also a hard drinker. we managed to get by with his drinking problem maybe denial.
He came home usually two times a week sat down got smashed out of his face and passed out.
Oh well I thought atleast I know where he is, he's not out drinking and driving ext.
The odd time Id find womens phone no. on the phone bill or they'd phone.
Oh well I thought he was drunk, it's only a phone call.
we had a pretty good life, when he wasn't drunk, or hung over. I guess I just managed to tip toe around him.
Them about 3 yrs ago all hell broke loose, his drinking went completly out of control, he was smashed almost every night, he was moody, he was a bastard to put it nicely.
He had affairs, one after the other, I dealt with alot of crap from him.
I was totaly dependent on him I hadn't upgraded my skills at all. I was so affraid
I couldn't do much for my self. I was so controlled by him. I was a disaster. a wreck
Then my Higher Power Hit me on the head with a Brick and I realized that I had better get my act together, I had 3 children to look after, and my marrage was falling apart..big time.
I took baby steps slowly one step at a time I upgraded my skills, read all the books I could read, slowly regained some independence.I applied for a job
I got the job, I bought a new car, on my own, all mine.
I kicked his butt when things escalated to a point where I had no choice.
He was gone, I was fine, I didn't miss him
things were easier.
Still I couldn't take the final steps to get a devorce.
He went into recovery, is still in recovery
and bam
I let him back,
Of course he's a changed man, he's trying.
Ya , but I 'm so damed confused, angry,,,
I don't know what?
I'm still stepping though,,,,
Im not giving myself to him the way I used to be in this relationship.
I know what I expect from him, it's time to come clean completly clean about issues.
Well I could go on and on
anyone have some insight.......?
[This message has been edited by Sally (edited January 09, 2002).]