Originally Posted by
greeteachday 
[...]
I'd think he would need to experience a lot more of life that only time develops to get to the point where I could connect. I guess I think of it in terms of intimacy...Sure maybe physical intimacy, but I couldn't see the connection for total intimacy. I could imagine some temporay happiness/satisfaction, but not as a long term thing. Does that make any sense?
By the way - I am certainly generalizing - I am sure there are exceptions. And I would generalize the same way with older man, significantly younger woman.
Would I feel the same if it was 45 and 65? I don't think so. There comes a point where there's some leveling off of maturity, IMO...I just don't think one is there at 30
I met D when I was 42 and he was 73. He was kind and gentle to me. He had a quiet intelligence and an ability to make me laugh with his dry humor. He made me feel like gold, and everything about his aged self endeared itself to me, and I fell in love. Over the years, we had many good times together, but he never seemed willing or perhaps able to make a serious commitment to me. His reluctance to have a long term thing never made sense to me, and still doesn't. When he became more frail a year ago, I offered to stay with him -- I would have upended my life to help -- but for whatever reason he never asked. Maybe the age thing was a factor, maybe he didn't want to burden me. He's in a nursing home now, and I'm still grappling with the loss I feel. But he remains someone I love regardless of age or infirmity. My challenge in recovery now is to choose someone who loves me as deeply in return, and to stop settling for anyone less.