Thanks guys. I just ate a really good meal so I feel alot better though still pretty squirrelly.
I think there were a few factors involved in wanting to drink so badly this weekend (other than the fact that it's the weekend) is that I was around someone earlier today who is a sort of a trigger for me, it's a casual friend who drinks and talks about it often and has no concept of alcoholism. They think I just need to 'cut back a little'. But this person has no concept that alcoholics cannot 'cut back', at least not permanently.
This person also brought up some news about someone I used to be close with and some feelings of resentment.
Second is that I made arrangements to have some professional portraits of me done next month, and talking with the photographer today made me really nervous and brought up a lot of old feelings I haven't had in awhile.
Third, because today the sun came out for the first time in a long time and I -and everyone else I know- seem to equate sun with 'party time'. There was a definite loose, feel-good 'crack open the beer' kind of vibe all around me today.
My favorite show is Saturday Night Live.
It doesn't come on for three hours and I feel pretty lonely right now and I want to be around my old friends. I think I'll be better in a couple hours, right around 10:30-11:00 is typically when the cravings stop.
One more thing: This is day 12 for me, just about the time I usually falter. So maybe my 'alcohol clock' is going off.