Faith,
Please understand I'm not telling you this merely for shock value, but it happened. My brother, who I miss very much, died in my parents' basement at the age of 27. This was in 1984, and I was 20. I can't begin to tell you how devastated we were. This is how powerful denial is. This is how insidious this disease is. We found several liquor bottles hidden up in the ceiling. I recently attended a family meeting at the treatment facility where my boyfriend was at. There was a lady there who said she could never put her daughter out, do the tough love thing. She went on to say that she sees bums on the street corners and wonders where their families are? What a disgrace! I shared the story of my brother with her and the group. My point was: We didn't do my brother any favors by enabling his drinking. We denied it, when it was painfully obvious. Alcoholism is a "progressive, incurable, fatal disease". Promises of getting a job, lecturing, nagging, crying, ultimatums, looking the other way WILL NOT WORK. There are different progressions with alcoholics, my brother's was obviously the fastest progressive type. The disease also is nothing to be embarrassed about and should be treated as such. If he had diabetes or epilepsy, wouldn't the family encourage him to get treated? Of course he refuses treatment right now. It's very typical. He's in the grips of the disease and won't stop unless there's no other choice. Even though people die from the disease, their brains and central nervous systems tell them to continue drinking. That's why it's a disease. I'm sorry if I'm coming down hard on you, but I really want you to see it from my family's perspective. Last week, my other brother almost died exactly the same way as my younger brother died. Denial is still firmly implanted here. He was living alone and hiding it from all of us. He was drinking 1/2 gallon of hard liquor a day. The good news is that he's in treatment and will be okay as long as he never drinks again. It's in God's hands now. This is where we all let go, but do what we can to encourage him. I've learned that it's totally up to him, but it doesn't make it any less scary. I hope this makes some sense and helps you in some way. Yes, get the police involved if you need to. So what if he or you are "embarrassed"? We're talking about his life here. Yes, do a family intervention. Stop enabling him. Whatever helps him to get to treatment, and after treatment, he may lapse, but it's up to him if he wants to live or not. Once alcoholics stop drinking, lots of times they realize that they were dying and feeling horrible. My brother just said this and is thankful to be alive and to feel better. I hope this helps in some small way and doesn't upset you too much. I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. It took my moving out of the house and his family doing the tough love thing to get my boyfriend into treatment. Take care of yourself by going to Alanon and talking to professionals and learning more about the disease. You don't have to be alone in this. God bless.
Mindybadger