Thanks for the replies
I feel hope here, I haven't felt that for a long time. I needed to reach out and not feel alone. I am at home a lot with empty nest syndrome. At first my sick mind thought 'Oh good, now I don't have to hide my drinking as much or focus as hard to talk straight'. Dangerous and very scary thinking. I've been practicing the art of deception for way too long. I know I've been foolish and very sick. I want a clear head and a clear conscience. I forgot what that feels like. I'm going back to college on Tuesday. I'm trying to get on with taking care of me. And I have been avoiding me for a very long time. I freak myself out worrying I will find a new excuse to drink (isn't there a saying of some sort "alcoholics never need an excuse to drink but always have one" ?? yup, I always do, but I look to up the ante in case I get busted drinking by a family member, it's awful. I don't want to live that lie anymore. As I said before I am mentally and physically exhausted from the whole deal, not to mention embarrassed that I was the classical closet drinker
