Originally Posted by
prettypoison 
Well it's a new year and I did the "ok no more as of 1/1/09" resolution. Failed. Failed on the 3rd, the 5th and so on. This has been going on for many years. I'm so ashamed. I really want sobriety, however, working a program and changing myself has always been very overwhelming. There is work to be done, rules to follow. I've never liked abiding by the rules but I surrender. I'm exhausted from drinking, trying to recover which can take days now and trying to hide it. What a racket I've created and I really want to change.
Time to give it up. The drinking and the lies. I've been reading the posts here for a few months while trying to muster the courage to join in, then get to a meeting and find a sponser. Step 1 accomplished.
Welcome to SR and if I were you and I was, I wouldn't make it a resolution. Everyone jokes about resolutions failing and they do. I'm not sure why, but they generally do. You have done step 1 in the "I surrender part." I was exhausted too. What it does to us physically is unbelievable. I wish you tons of good energy in finding your meeting and a sponsor. Congratulations on posting. I'm glad you did.
