You understand! The problem was, it began when I was so young, I was raised by a drugged and violent/two faced mother. I was so angry with her I never forgave her, so I never truly loved her. She told me to LIE for her all the time. Then I would be amongst good people and feel horrible guilt. I would feel as though I was the criminal. I don't think she ever felt any. To this very day her smiles make me feel ill. She doesn't have a right to smile. She abused her child, used drugs, lied endlessly. And she is full of disrespect and hate. She feels all are beneath her and spews with bitterness and anger directed towards others. She is filth. She is a woman of judgement. But look at what she is! As her painkillers wear off, she moans and cries, claiming the world is ending. But there isn't anything wrong other than her painkillers wearing off. Her insults are always lovely at that time if I happen to be on the telephone with her, as well. I think my father refuses to understand what she is doing. He also doesn''t know about everything she has done. I could be wrong, but I will not discuss it with him. He either wouldn't listen, or it might flip his dangerous rage switch. Thank you for your support!