He just called - totally out of it. He couldn't really talk just sort of mumbled, "Did you get my message?"
I said yes. I'll bring DS over tomorrow evening for a visit.
I was calm and kind, which is nice change. It used to be that his drunkenness turned me into a crazy person.
Today was a closer seat to the action than I've become accustomed to. He's been doing a really good job of keeping his act together lately, but, I guess, alcoholism marches on.
Scary to see evidence of the progression. Drinking in the morning, canceling plans - again and again. While I do not want to watch his downward slide, I'm wondering if I'm going to have to - in one capacity or another - for a while. I'm trying to make peace with that possibility. I don't think that I want to watch the progression as P's wife, but I might be able to handle it a little better if my role is his friend and the mother of his child.
My son is just fine right now. We went to the park earlier, and we're about to go to Barnes and Noble to spend the gift card that he got for Christmas.
I think I'm doing a good job of filling in the parenting gap. Today, I'm feeling the "partner who loves me and wants to spend time with me" gap. I love P and want to spend time with him, but it seems unhealthy for me to continue in those feelings when he's unable to reciprocate on a regular basis.
Thanks for reading my online journal.
-TC