Originally Posted by
Rose56 
I stay because I NEED to be able to fix him. I can't give up, because that would mean facing the world alone, with no one to validate my worth. Who am I if not his wife?
Excellent insight! I asked myself the same question- who am I if I'm not his wife? I'm taking time now to find out, and I am enjoying it! It hasn't all been easy, but it is getting easier. Divorce is not what I wanted, but it's something I have to accept as my reality. I can lay in the fetal position, or get up and choose to live a life that I make mine. Stepping away from STBXAH was scary at first, because I had spent years making him and our marriage my project. Now- after 16 months of being alone, I am starting to feel more sane, more about me and what I want. It's taken a lot of work, talking, and counseling, meetings, reading, but so worth it. I can't do anything to change him, but I can change myself. . . and it sounds like you are beginning to realize that too.
(((You're doing great Rose!)))