Do you think you can save him, Lucy? Telling yourself "I ought to be able to cope" does not make it so - maybe we can hold on to your Superwoman cape for you for now? (hugs)
Maybe you can't see an outsider's perspective: that you are being controlled by both your husband and your father, and this is NOT a good indicator of future success.
Just for perspective - there was not one member of my most recent Al-Anon group who was "standing by their husband." It may be a cultural thing (I'm in the U.S.), it may just be that once people there leave and move on they no longer think they need Al-Anon, anything.
Sometimes the right thing to do isn't easy.