I go at least once a week. When I'm traveling on business, I look up meetings in other cities and have gone to those from time to time.
There are many different kinds of meetings, but all seem to have some things in common:
The meeting will usually start and stop right on time and normally will last for one hour. The person who is chairing the meeting will start by reading the Al Anon opening, then they will read the 12 steps, sometimes the 12 traditions, and then everyone will go around and introduce themselves by first name only.
Step Study meetings focus on the 12 steps. Some discuss one step per meeting, some discuss a step per month. Normally in a step study meeting each person would do a reading from one of the books or might share some personal experience with that step.
Topic meetings are a bit more flexible. The person chairing the meeting chooses a topic and members go around the circle and comment about it. Sometimes they will read from a book like Courage To Change or Paths to Recovery by going to the index and finding that topic… again, they may just share their experience, strength and hope.
Most meetings ask that a person keep their sharing brief and on topic, and that there be no cross talk. Each person is sharing about their own experience and their own life. If the person who is sharing asks a question, she might not get a direct answer right away. If that’s the case, you can always ask someone after the meeting if you want to know more.
Most of the meetings I have attended have time before and after the meetings for a one-on-one where you can ask specific questions etc. You can approach nearly anyone there to talk. Most meetings also have a phone list, and you are encouraged to call people to talk about specific things going on.
When I first started going to meetings I was really surprised. I expected to hear a lot of women all complaining about how awful their husbands/boyfriends were and how sad and tragic and chaotic their lives were…. And what could be done to get them clean and sober.
Obviously, that’s not how it works. Not at all. The people at the meetings suggested that I keep the focus on ME and not on the alcoholic. They suggested that I could find recovery and even happiness whether the alcoholic continued to drink or not. They told me that I could do this by working the steps myself, by finding a sponsor, by reading the Al Anon literature.
Al Anon saved my life. I am forever grateful to the people in those meetings who got me on the right path.
Taking those first steps: finding a meeting, driving to it and walking in the door... those are HUGE. I was scared... I remember sitting in the car in the parking lot, frozen to my seat, unable to go inside. I also remember walking in, sitting down, crying for an hour and leaving. Inexplicably, I felt better and wanted to go back!