Heya christinna4489--
So glad to hear you're gonna try AlAnon. I pretty much sobbed my way through my first few meetings, just listened and let the river flow! No one seemed to mind. I guess they had all seen THAT before!
Its so hard to come to the acceptance that me and him will not have that picture perfect brother/sister relationship I was hoping for.
OMG it really really is.
Acceptance is really the key to your serenity.
I had to mourn who my brothers became but I also (it took a while though) am now in a place where I am just so grateful that I had my brothers and had all the fun we had as kids. They were always there for me (our dad was an alcoholic!). I cherish those memories now. But no question it is hard to look at them today and not feel sad - I wish my teenage sons could have known the brothers I knew - but its reality and I only get into trouble when I refuse to accept reality!
Good luck and stick around-- if u post a new thread you'll be amazed at all the wisdom & support that shines through on this board--it has helped me immensely.
Peace-
B.