JustMe,
You will never convince him that he is not abusing you. He has crossed boundaries, he doesn't care that he upsets and confuses you, he doesn't think you have a right to your own thoughts (neither does your family, so this is a lifelong hurdle you've had to suffer) THIS IS ALL ABOUT HIS NEEDS. I have been through this as well.
I can't tell you what to do, but I CAN tell you what you're in for: A night of intense, pull-out-all-the-stops manipulation that will leave you beat-up and feeling insane.
I'm sure there's much to love about this man. But it's a package deal -- to get the good parts, you will have to surrender your right to your own thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
Only you can decide whether that kind of "love" is worth it to you.
Hugs,
GL