Pajarito

Stay with that. By far the biggest lesson I have learned through my recent experiences is to trust my gut. In your thread I see so many signs that your gut is telling you one thing, but you are confused by what others are saying to you. Listen to what you want. If it contradicts what others want- but your gut keeps calling to you- you have a conflict. Conflict is ok- in fact it is normal! I spent years trying to avoid it by being a people pleaser. The reality is that I could never have done enough to please my dad, my STBXAH- no one but me. It's just the reality. I'm done being a people pleaser. Now my goal is to listen to what I want in my life. I no longer want to spend my days obsessing about what STBXAH is doing or not doing, trying to convince him what I want is valid, trying to get him to agree with me, do what I want, blahblahblah. Big fat waste of MY precious life. It shouldn't be that hard!

IMHO trying to convince your STBXAH of your stance is useless. I spent way too much time trying to do that- it's called trying to control. You can't control what he thinks or does. It would be lovely to get everyone on board with your life plan, but that is never going to happen- even under the best circumstances. You know what you want, but every time you try to have a conversation with him it all goes down the tubes. You become confused and worry you are hurting feelings, not explaning your self clearly enough, etc. I did that too. . . all a waste of time.

I would think twice about meeting with him simply because it would probably be more of the same- you trying to defend, analyze, explain, and him trying to convince you you're crazy. . .

What is your gut telling you???