Hi again Jen.
What's wrong with calling your spouse when you miss them? If you were doing it just to check up, maybe that is a little obsessive. Been there. Force yourself to do something for yourself when you have the urge of the Sherlock Holmes routine. You don't really need the confirmation. You already know what's going on.
As to being unfair about not hearing his side of the story... haven't you heard it all before? Will it offer you any comfort, or will you still be doubtful?
Your friends at work sound a bit naive. If your husband is damaging his health and your financial security, it IS a problem.
I hear you when you say how you miss him, and that he means the world to you. That's where the evaluating has to come in. More plus than negative, or the other way around? Only you can decide how much to trade off.
Acknowledging that you cannot make him behave is not sweeping the problem under the rug. It just frees you to focus your energy on problems you CAN solve.
Smoke
[This message has been edited by smoke gets in my eyes (edited November 02, 2001).]