This has been a big issue for me in the last year. I was finally free of exah and his addictions and drama; my kids and I were finally tasting what a healthy relationship feels like, one without lies and control and manipulations.
And then all of a sudden I ran smack into learning to get free from my mother and sister's stuff. It's not that I didn't know it was there, it was just that I never even considered that I COULD.
Since I was a very small child it has been a 'given' that I am responsible to do what they want. "Don't upset mom, she worries...don't make dad angry, he rages...don't cross your sister, she rages worse than dad..." (Which btw played no small part in my turning into a raging codependent with my ex and my kids...)
It's something I still deal with-the uneasiness when I don't do what they want, but I am learning. Like talk on the phone
every single night. It seems trivial, but my mom calls me every night and it's always after 9pm. Even though I have told her not to call that late, and if I don't answer she ALWAYS leaves a message. Says she is 'worried' about me.
So lately I have just stopped answering, and stopped returning the calls until I have a free minute and feel like it. My sister is upset-says mom 'needs' so hear my voice every night so she won't be worried. Balderdash!!!
Anyhow, thanks for posting this. It's good reminder. I had started setting these boundaries before the holidays and they got a bit fuzzy...it's easy to fall back into old patterns...