I sometimes have vivid dreams about picking up - I mean, like it's really happening, taste, smell, feeling. Wow. First time it ruined my whole day.
Many times I think that it will be ok to have a drink sometime in the future. Many, I'm sure, can relate. You are living just for today and that's all any of us can do.
Good to see your post, congratulations on all the progress you've made.
Mark