Just a bit about what is in my head atm, I am sitting here feeling determined and quite confident about my recovery but I have felt like this so many times before and drank again. A switch goes in my head and my thinking goes crazy and tells me it will be OK to drink....classic baffling stuff, just like AA says.
The switch will click again but this time I cannot drink...people recommend going to a meeting but I sit there with the same crazy thinking I would have at home...that this time it will be OK.
I can;t afford rehab and even if I went I could stay sober two months and it wouldn't stop the switch when I came out.
I remember how I did it when I was 6 months sober, I would just say no to myself, lol (laffing cos it sounds easy). Through the crazy thinking there was a sane core that just KNEW I couldn't and therefore WOULDN't drink. Sometimes the crazy thinking would last days but when it wore off I was so glad I hadn't drank. Each time I did it it reinforced the sane core and made me stronger.
The switch seems linked to my depression too, every two weeks it hits and the world goes grey and pointless.
I will be going to 2-3 meetings a week, I will be posting to newcomers here, I will be keeping in touch with AA friends by phone and going for walks with them, I will be joining that gym, I will be continuing with my photography, I will be meditating and reading the spiritual stuff that chimes with me, I will be keeping busy, I will be on the AA program (yes, that is more important than meetings)......when the switch flicks I will grass on myself here and to AA friends and I will say NO.