Blue789,
We could simply change names, our stories are so similar. Wine and vodka were my favorites. And once I had had a few, I could be nasty or mushy. No way to predict.
The mundane tasks of life, like laundry and cleaning, always seemed so much more enjoyibe with a drink. And a glass of wine while making dinner was a must. But that of course would start the endless cycle of having too much followed by guilt, shame and promises to myself not to overdo it again. I was convinced that it would be fine, as long as I just got a little tipsy, not drunk. And lots of times I was able to achieve that. The only problem, I could never predict when I would not be able to stop. When I would go overboard. This was maybe one of the hardest things for me to mentally accept -- that this battle of controlling alcohol was pointless. It wasn't fun, and my failures caused so much pain to my family.
When I first stopped drinking, I thought all of this housework and chores would be dreary without a drink. But I discovered the magic of living to experience the joy of the moment. Being there, instead of being mentally zombied by alcohol was and is a wonderful experience. And a happy family is a real bonus.
I encourage you to give it a real try. You can do this!