This is exactly where going to AlAnon and just following directions for a little while helped me.
My best thinking and practices kept getting me into a world of hurt- my "feelings" which so often centered around the alcoholics were really unreliable. I didn't know who I was or what I "wanted" from one day to another....
AlAnon and therapy were like a lighthouse for me - I just kept going and trusted the process and the program and stayed with whatever little plan I had just for that day to get me through the night without undoing all the hard work or backtracking even in little ways from the progress I was making.
Ugh. Good luck - keep seeking and accepting help for a while - if your family is sane and rational maybe listen to them for a little while until you get your own rational strength back. Living with an alcoholic and all the accomodations we make to continue to do so keeps us crazy.
Big pat on the back for coming to your senses and not being afraid to say you made a mistake in taking him back!! That is huge. It's OK to stumble as long as we don't stay down! All his bashing your family and bringing up vows (hello? where does an active alcoholic fit into the vows of marriage???) is just quacking - he may be sober but he is not in recovery if he is lashing out at you and blaming you & your family for HIS misfortune. Easy does it.
(((hugs))) Stay strong. Stay with your plan. More will be revealed in time. It takes time time time!!!!
Peace-
B.