You are in the right place for sure! I drank much like you.. I thought I needed a drink to function, or to have more "fun" cooking, talking on the phone, etc. My embarrassing times and my guilt and shame were never deterrant enough, as I'm just not stronger than the addiction. Once I surrendered to that fact, I got angry at it, and haven't drank since. Well, that and I also knew I'd lose my job, my husband, and my strength as a person.. not to mention my life. I don't wanna do that!
So here we are.. and we are all here for you.