blue789

Hi everyone.

I'm glad to be here, I think. After reading some of the posts, I feel like it may be the right place....??...

I'm 41, married, three kids. I consider myself one of the most fortunate people I know. I have a wonderful husband, and wonderful, beautiful and good children. I like to drink, mostly out of boredom. Vodka is my choice, but lots and lots of wine will do too. How does one so fortunate as myself get bored? That's the part I don't understand. It's selfish and shameful.

I typically always drink at home. Most often I get loud, ridiculous and often times very mean. I made my 18-year-old son cry on New Year's Eve and I don't even know why. My 9-year-old just thinks I'm "fun."

I find it hard to clean my house without having cocktails - lots of them. I find it hard to even be motivated to do anything without having cocktails, that includes cooking dinner, talking on the phone, etc. I feel this way six out of seven evenings when I come home from work.

90% of the time I feel ashamed the next morning. The feelings of guilt are sometimes so bad that I can barely function. Each day I tell myself "I'm not doing that again", but I always, always, always do.

The last time I drank was New Year's Eve and I made a complete ass out of myself - in front of my children too. My husband is disgusted with me and has barely spoken to me since then.

Anyway, that's me. Thanks for reading.