I knew that if I didn't keep going after I made him leave, that I'd regret it. For me it was a matter of facing reality. That phrase sounds empty or snotty "face reality" but I learned that it facing reality is real activity. It's when your heart is whining and carrying on but you put the pain aside because the reality is so insane that you cannot afford to be controlled by emotion.
That helped me - maybe it might resonate with you.
Love