Re: used to give a year for things to get better
There really are no “winners or losers� per se, in a divorce. And although it spells the end of the marriage, it’s often not the end of the relationship, in that it mutates into something else most often proscribed by a difference in frequency of contact. Sometimes folks just walk away. And while I certainly don’t know your particular circumstances beyond what you have described here, I sure would add my assent to the proposition that you have every right to determine your own future. And I wish you every success in that endeavor whether or not you decide to leave.
Having seen a great number of marriages not survive this dis-ease I would only offer 2 suggestions in preparation for that dissolution if that is your choice. The very best time to leave is when everything that needs to be said, has been said, all the questions asked and answered, as best both parties can, and there simply is nothing left to say. No recriminations that continue to eat at you, no situation untouched about which both have not made their stance sufficiently clear.
And then there is the continuation of your recovery. The strange thing about codependence is that it is a repetitious cancer, that involves the replay of of unresolved situations, culminating with that “broken picker� that the vast majority of us can relate to. You two did not find each other by “accident�, and unless we continue to work on ourselves, our dis-ease with reassert itself in the proverbial heartbeat, demanding what it needs in terms of that primary relationship. And that being the case, we’ll be damned , and doing it again, even as the alcoholic is compelled to pick up that next drink or drug. To quote Emeril, “BAM�, we’re back in the same jackpot. As long as we remain closely tied to our recovery, the chances of that happening diminish considerably.
Whatever your choice I wish you the action of your recovery. It’s worth it, and so are you.
Jeff