Forwarning! Fasten your seat belts because I'm about to really lay it down.
I have been tossing and turning all night about what I'm going to do tonight for the special occasion. Nothing sounds good. Going out doesn't sound good. A good friend of mine is leaving out of the country tomorrow and I want to say good bye to him in person, but it's at my old bar/hang-out.
I've been trying to talk myself into going and just not drinking but I think I would last maybe a whole five minutes before either running out in a panic or having a drink.
In fact, I'd rather not leave the house at all, I live in a very urban area and it's going to be a mad-house out there.
But staying at home alone and feeling sorry for myself seems just as awful.
And I can't bring myself to hanging out at an A.A. function. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet and I'm still on the fence about A.A.
There's really nowhere else I can go without some element of alcohol or craziness or drama involved. I almost wish I had come down with a really bad cold or something so I have an excuse to stay home, or so it will sound legitimate when my friends ask "So what did you do for New Year's?"
I never thought I'd say this because New Year's has always been my favorite holiday, but I can't wait for the next 24 hours to be over with. After that, I'll be fine.
