freeflower

I know this is a journey only you have control over but I wish I could help you. The night I permantly detached from my Ah was at a motel. I went with him and it promised to be a lovely evening. A new dress, dancing etc but it ended with me alone, crying and scared and so sick to my stomach as he stood with his workfriends and drank himself into a stupor. I should have known better, but i went with him. The night ended with me knocking him over so he would quit peeing on the floor of our room.
I had had many instances in the past, where I thought I was done, couldn't take it anymore but the one that stuck was the motel. I guess what I'm trying to say is it wasn't neccesarilly the "peeing" and being left alone all night, it was that my dream of him ever changing his behavior and seeking help to save our marrage died that night. I knew I stood alone.
You'll know when the dream is over. Your a smart, compassionate woman and you will know.
Go tonight and relax and watch those around and rejoice in your friends and really feel your feelings. I think tonight could bring some real joy and maybe some answers.
hugs and happy new year!!!!!!!!!