Oh- and to answer your initial questions:
The single biggest thing I have learned is that what I need is important- regardless of what anyone else says, thinks, or does. If I am there for me in the best possible sense, if I do the next right thing for myself, that is not selfish. It is what I have to do to take care of myself. Sometimes what I do upsets the apple cart- so to speak. Shaking things up may rock someone else's world, but if the status quo is hurting me or my child, I do what I need to do in the situation and let it be. So- back to my question isitme- What do YOU want?