Should I take in "dying" ex-husband (again)?
I am struggling with a very painful situation - my ex-AH has end stage cirrhosis and I am trying to decide whether I should let him come home, again. We were married for 23 years, now divorced since January of 2007. He was diagnosed with cirrhosis in July of 2007 and spent 2 months in the hospital before I brought him home,where he stayed for 4 months before making a truly miraculous recovery. He then (at my suggestion) moved out again, dove back into the bottle, and now is at death's door again. He is having paracentesis procedures approximately every 3 weeks, each time about 13 LITERS of fluid is removed. He is skin and bones and extremely weak. Presently, he lives alone in a 3rd floor apartment. Despite his condition, he somehow manages to get to the liquor store and has been drunk the past two days, not to mention all of the other times.
We have two grown children, ages 23 and 20. Our daughter, the 20 year old, is taking this extremely hard, and I want to do what I can to ease her pain, so that at least she knows her dad is being taken care of and isn't lying dead on the floor of his apartment. I get along pretty well (considering), with my ex, but the thought of going through this again with him fills me with dread. He looks like a walking corpse, and is unappreciative and rude. Last year when he was in the hospital, I was there every day, when he stayed with me, I ran myself ragged taking him to the transplant hospital in another city, to his doctors here, cleaning up after him at home, and living with a dry drunk who acted like he resented the hell out of me no matter what I did for him. He feels like I "owe" him everything because I got half of his retirement in our divorce.
My questions are this: HOW DO I KNOW IF HE'S REALLY NEAR DEATH? He appears to be in horrible shape, but he pulled through this last year. Since we're divorced, I can't ask his doctor. I really do care about him, but I can't face MONTHS of living with this again! There is no other family that can take him in. Am I awful for not wanting to do this again, especially since he's still drinking?
Thanks for any advice,
redhot