Something struck me..you said you can't get past the hurt and anger and then HE does something stupid and the cycle starts again. Does he say he is using because of you? Or do you just feel that way? Because you are NOT trigger. You don't "make" him use. And he doesn't use because of what you do. He uses because that is what an addict does. And if he truly wants recovery he will NOT use no matter what you do or don't do. I don't mean to be negative; however, I don't see someone in recovery. I see someone who is trying to stop ...but in recovery you do WHATEVER it takes NOT to use. And believe me in recovery the first year is NOT easy for them. In fact, when my ex got clean, it usually took the first 4-6 months before the "fog" even lifted and he made any sense. One day he was "UP", the next he was "down". One day grateful to be clean, the next hated it.