Hi strongbird and thankyou for your post.
I guess as the fog lifts and we begin to re-examine our lives we start to see our part in old resentments and bad feeling.
You touched a tender point with me and her name was donna...
For the first year of being without her i could only despise her for not sticking with me and for pushing me onto the street..
I was full of hurt and pain.........i loved her with all my heart.
BUT i loved booze more.
Looking back i only feel shame and guilt and i can see the situation much more clearly..
I treated donna like a dog and im not proud of it...
I exspected her to hang around while i slowly destroyed myself and stamped my feet when she wouldnt.
Many years later it still sticks in my gut that i cant make amends for the stuff that i did.
Donna is one of my amends that i cant do because she left the country shortly after the spilt from me.
I can only hope and pray that that women got her life together and is happy..
So i guess my advice would be to make amends if you can and admit your part..
I only wish i could