Also, most days I don't consider myself to be a "real" alcoholic...a couple of times I tried to identify, only to change my mind again. I wish I knew for certain, but unfortunately I'm in that gray zone and I don't really know how/when it'll clear up. I'm just trying to figure out what the best course of action is to take. I know that I often drink when I feel blocked in my ability to express something, so I've made a commitment to myself to write for two hours everyday (about whatever it is that I want to write about/working towards a project that I personally "want" to pursue, rather than an assignment), and hope that it might help things in general.