Hi and Welcome,
I was also very harsh with myself and my self-esteem was extremely low, in spirite of the fact, that on the outside, everything looked great. But, I didn't like myself at all. That was part of the reason why I couldn't stop drinking. I didn't care enough about myself.
I am glad that you are choosing to live a sober life. Be sure to do it for yourself first, and for the relationship, second.