Newbie...feedback welcome!
Hello everyone,
I am just beginning a new relationship with someone I truly admire and for whom I want to be a better person. I feel like my drinking is going to have to be the first problem solved before I can deal with my intimacy issues!
I have kicked around the idea of quitting alcohol for years...depending on how effective my rationalization powers were at the moment. I think I drink for the following reasons: I am shy and have social anxiety, plus suffer all the lovely irrational self-criticism that goes along with that. I also have been drawn to relationships with other alcoholics who share my fear of being "found out" through intimacy. I am terrified that my significant other will see that I am a disgusting individual - by the way, in my rational mind I know I am intelligent, talented, caring, intuitive and attractive, but I can say that to myself all I want and my overriding belief is the exact opposite. Booze makes me feel relaxed, cool, numb...you guys know.
Anyway, I really want to quit but I am bored/self-loathing/depressed when I don't have a drink in my hand and a steady supply at my disposal. BUT, I feel like I've met someone who could actually be a great compliment for me- not a savior, I might add, but a person I can't lose because of addiction. I've screwed up so many opportunities because of it. I need your support!! I am a "ninja" drinker, so I don't feel comfortable talking to people face to face about this.
Thank you in advance!!!
S