Good post Donna, I can relate, as we say in AA lol.
I have done the steps and have a sponsor...he is very thumperish and I was letting his attitudes dominate me...I only noticed it was happening recently and realised it was bad for me. I have made some boundaries (lol) and re-defined what I want from AA and feel more comfortable now.
I like the companionship and F2F support and the people, I am never gonna be totally "by the book" so I have stopped trying. I try to live within the spirit of the program, not by the letter of the program.
Steps 4 and 5 are about finding your defects and 6 & 7 are about working on those defects, I was getting to down on myself about my defects, I need some balance and to remember the good things about myself too.
Since re-evaluating my relationship with AA my recovery is stronger.