Hi cats!!
I believe you are facing a very difficult reality here... that is as In a Tailspin said, the fact that you are not an addict and therefore you will never really understand what is going on with your husband. No one understands unless they are an addict. So at least this is good news for you!
By people in this forum I was urged to join Al Anon, would you start going with me? january is a good time as the focus is the 1st step. Admitting our lives are unmanageable. I thought my life was pretty sorted out until I realized my love for a guy meant nothing to him, that he preferred the bottle and a girl that has no problem with his drinking. Witnessing the decadence of an alcoholic and experiencing the quick progression from a beautiful romance to verbal abuse after bottles of Jack Daniels has brought me to my knees in sadness and desperation, wondering how he could "all of a sudden" be so cruel, how everything we lived is lost to him, how he could right away "replace" me and just forget anything happened. Oh well -he has his cure right out from the fridge.
I am too really confused about the alcoholic in my life as thank God I had no contact with addicts before this. This is not an easy problem that can subside with wishful thinking. I am sorry you are going through this but please try to think about your own self, your sanity... do not give that to your husband.. it is yours!! and you have to use your tools NOW.