This is always a good place for me to
come to to release those annoying
thoughts that bother me so much.
I definitely have issues from my past
that keep haunting me. These problems
affect my ability to work with others.
It's mainly following direction or taking
orders from. Problems with authority
figures.
As an abuse child i had to DO as my
mom told me to do or else i would get
the crap beaten out of me. Many times
no even that made a difference. I still
endured verbal and physical abuse by her
hand....her sickness.....
Prescription meds and alcohol...a deadly
explosive mix.
With the abuse came fear.....then in time
survival....lieing, stealing, sneeking, decieving,
etc.
I recall as a small child going to the drug
store to get moms meds refilled....and
there the temptation to steal candy because
i couldnt have any at home.
Then at 18 my first dept store job....little
petty stealing never getting caught. However...
I take a polly graph and passed until i opened my
big mouth and spilled the beans about snitching
candy from the candy dept. then they politely
told me they couldnt keep me because small
stealing would lead to possibly bigger things.....
My next big job was a teller at a bank. I got on
thru family connections....I did ok and had fun
up until a new women entered to be the
new branch manager....she and i didnt see
eye to eye....maybe because i thought she
was an alcoholic....mean bi***. What ulimately
lead me out the door was me cashing a stolen
check shortly after recieving a notice of a
robbery down the street from us.....
Well.....this was the womens perfect
opportunity to get rid of me.....and besides
i was already into my drinking disease
and didnt want to work any more with
the public....
At this time in my life i was a yr newly wed
and all i wanted to do was stay home & raise
a family.
I got my wish...had 2 AWESOME kids and stayed
home for 16 yrs in which during that time my disease
progressed and about 7 yrs married family stepped
in to do an intervention on me sending me to
rehab for 28 days and a weeks out patiant program.
We moved to Houston for 10 yrs in which i took
on a part time job in customer service at a grocery
store...picking up carts and bagging.....did that
for 5 yrs in which i had once again problems with authority
telling me what to do.....these were kids....students
telling moi what i already know how to do....pissed
me off often and to the office i went.....i managed
to stay there 5 yrs before i moved back home here
to Baton Rouge, got a divorce and job.....
First job back was to enter the bank again with
so much change that i couldnt grasp it....so out the
door i went......then lastly the bakery.....
Was there about a yr and a half with numerous
office visits because i wouldnt listen or would
do what i was told.....again out the door......
Now....what is there for me to do? Me and authority
just dont get along......
I am a good worker....intelligent...kind....caring....can follow
direction.....what is it that makes people have to be so
mean to their employees unless u r kissing their "azz"
What makes these little kids....20's get to big headed
and think their shi* dont stink.....
or employers who think they are running a concentration
camp....or that we r in the Army? Sheesh......
I know im not perfect and i know i have problems
with those TELLING me what to do only because
it reminds me how when my mom lashed out at me
at 18...one more time before i finally left.....to say,
" I will NEVER EVER have her or anyone EVER TELL
me what to do again." Enough is enough....
I know my HP has a plan for me and im anxious
to know what it is....id be curious to see what
is in store for me down the road to where i wont
have to take orders.....hmmmmm