Originally Posted by
Rose56 
Things go from awful between us to just ok. When they get to OK, I just ignor what bothers me and go on autopilet - not feeling anything. Then they go back to awful and my insides churn.
I want you to know that I have been trying to get my life to a happy place, but I still struggle with separating with my AH.
Somewhere between awful and just okay is what the Catholics term "pergatory." Not a good place to be, whether you believe it or not; which I personally do not. However, living in limbo goes from surviving to going into the depths. I know. I've lived it too often. I've been there.
It's okay to get to a "happy place." However, you may have to get OUT OF YOUR PLACE before you find anything remotely like "happy." Many times, we have got to walk out on feeling like garbage and then still feeling like garbage until we finally start to feel like enjoying what life has to offer.
What life has to offer .... not necessarily happiness. Oftentimes, challenges. Many times, tragedy. But we accept life on life's terms by ourselves. It is not contingent on another person's sobriety or lack thereof.
I truly feel for you. This is the time of year when we rejoice in what is supposed to be heaven come to earth; yet so many of us look around and say to ourselves, "Why am I mired in hell?"
I left my exAH at the moment in time I least expected to leave him. It was unplanned. It was spontaneous. It was a leap of faith. I wasn't in a happy place. I was isolated, frightened, and unsure.
Let go and let God. I did. And I never, ever regretted it. Not for one second. Never.