Hi Rose,
Welcome back ! I know I have stumbled from time to time in my own recovery... what I love about SR and my Al Anon meetings is that no one tells me how wrong I was. They just pick me up, dust me off , help me get steady on my feet again, and off we go.
You've taken steps in the right direction by coming back here, reading some of the literature and recognizing behaviors for what they are. You don't have to make any big decisions today... Just take it a day at a time and figure out what you'd like for your life to look like.
It's good to see you again.
Cats