I would also strongly support you finding a local Alanon or Naranon meeting that works for you. Please don't feel frustrated if the first few meetings doesn't "fix" everything. They say to try 6 meetings before you make a decision. For me, I went to my first meeting expecting everyone there to tell me how I should solve my problem. After all, they had all been there and survived, so obviously they had some answers, right? Needless to say I left feeling frustrated and angry. Soon after, my abf seemed to get his s**t together so I thought "it's all fixed. I don't need those meetings anymore." Boy was I wrong!!
Every group has their own flavor and some will have more people you feel you can relate to than others. Find one that feels good to you and plug in. The addicts have their own issues and meetings. These meetings are for US. Whether we realize it or not, our reactions to the addicts in our lives are toxic. I can look at my life and see that the "disease" of codependence runs deeper than I realized. So even if, like me, you've never had any issues with drugs and have never BEFORE been effected by an addict in your life, you have now. Congratulations, you are codependent.......just like the rest of us!! And codependence doesn't leave with the addict. If you were to never speak to him again, the patterns you have developed will continue, likely attract another addict, and you will be right back in the spot you are in now, just with a different person. Like addiction, codependence is a life-long affliction.
My abf asked me one time if I had had a good meeting and if it made me love him more or hate him more. My quick response was the truth that I remind myself of often. I told him "My meeting aren't about you. They are about ME!!"
We all need something in our life that is just about us, don't we???