exgirlfriend
I must say that my heart breaks when I read posts like yours. It makes me wild to hear butes like the guy you describe hurting women. And I am sad to think about how wounded women who allow abuse are.
There are women who put up with abuse and women who don't. Sometimes a woman who has put up with abuse decides she's worth more than that and works on her own independence and self esteem so that she can let go immediately of anyone who treats her that way. Sometimes women keep going back until they are permanently damaged or dead.
Have you noticed that some women won't give a guy like this the time of day from the first second they meet him? My hope would be that instead of calling him and running after him, you could allow yourself to sit still and feel your feelings. Calling him is one way of distracting yourself from feeling pain - and yet that pain can tell you something about yourself that if you healed directly could free you.
Most women who I know that have been victims of abuse have been hurt in some way by thier father or other significant male influence at a young age, which leaves them vulnerable to this type of guy. Women who have not been hurt in this way often can spot a guy like this a mile off and run the other direction. So, Please - find a support group of some type. You need to heal your inner wounds in order to believe in yourself enough to realize that the guy you have allowed in your life is completely incapable of love. People who are capable of acting like he did want to control others for their own gratification. You are worth real love, not empty promises.
Also, believe me, you don't need to check on him to see if he is OK. Guys like this are masters of manipulation and they are fine until they really hurt someone and get tossed in jail. So, no number of phone calls, conversations, or anything else you can do is going to change him.
Most recently, my niece was with a guy like this. He hurt her once, the second time it was worse and the third time he hit her head so hard she lost her memory for a time. And she still didn't call the police - I did and was able to get him put in jail. He had previous jail time for the same type of violence, went through anger management and many other programs and bottom line, he couldn't control himself when he got angry. (guess what, he's back in jail now for the third time)
Another woman my niece knew was married to a guy like this who got progressively worse and at one point held her at gunpoint in front of her kids. Guys who behave this way get worse, not better.
I hope you have enough self esteem remaining that you can at least reach out and find a therapist, support group, pastor or some kind of support that will validate your worth so that you can see this guy for what he is and realize that you are worth so much better. But only you can decide you are worth it. Real love is out there but you won't be able to see it clearly until you are healed.
I also hope that you can find some way to spend your time that is self affirming and builds you up. Volunteer at a local food shelf, go to a church meeting, learn to knit, but do something that gives you a sense of accompishment.
Prayers that you find your worth so you can let go of anyone that dimishes it so that you can fulfil your purpose ... God Bless you.